So Much For Everyone Having Talents, Eh
When I was younger, I wanted to become a ballerina (I even had those pink fluffy tutus and those glistering ballerina flats). Then that idea flourished, and so suddenly I wanted to become a figure skater- it seemed a lot cooler to be on ice! (Get it, cool = ice) But I was too shy then to take up classes to actually study them, so I let it pass. Then there was a time that I dreamt of becoming a newscaster, for a reason that until now I couldn’t figure out. Of course, there was also a point that I wanted to become a superstar (you’re a weirdo if this wasn’t part of your fantasies), but it was just too big, and I got tired of the thought. And the next thing I knew, I wanted to be a part of an orchestra and play the harp, but considering that I’m the dumbest in music- or just anything related to having harmony- I put the idea aside. And then, a miracle happened! I had this thing in me that drove me to try to learn something, so I enrolled in a painting/sketching whatever class. Just as I thought I had a chance, it was another failed attempt for me. Why did I even bother trying to draw when the best thing I could do is a stick person? And so eventually, wanting to become someone in another something appeared normal to me, like, it was a yearly thing to shift from one dream to another. I guess it’s but natural for a kid to be searching for the right path to take, so he/she tries to discover the different avenues possible. But what I can’t accept is the fact that I can’t fit the bill to be anything that I could think of. I just can’t.
I’ve heard the phrase “When the heavens were giving humankind talents, you were probably in the back of the line,” a hundred times already. So it gave me the idea that maybe, I wasn’t just in the back of the line- I might have been at the back, then I tripped and got trampled on, and got left behind! Oh, what fate I have.
It’s not that I’m complaining- I’m just, well, COMPLAINING. I don’t have a natural gift (or maybe I haven’t discovered it yet [fingers crossed]). So I guess I could blame me for not exerting much effort on trying to acquire a talent of my own, given all the opportunities. Though getting used to being a part of the audience isn’t that bad, because what if being a spectator IS my talent after all, and nobody has just ever looked at it that way.